


Symptoms of Life

by Tori2004 (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 22:14:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18270284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Tori2004
Summary: Louis loves Harry but doesn’t know how to say it without coming out. And that’s just the beginning.





	1. One

Louis flopped down onto the soft, damp grass. Harry awkwardly folded himself into a criss cross position beside him. Louis tried to pretend that he didn’t stare at the stunning green eyes, the strong frame of his face, those dimples, those curls or his soft lips. 

Louis turned his head and stared up at the sun. The heat from it's rays warmed the boys and Louis sighed in contentment. Harry started making a flower crown out of daises with his beautiful long fingers. 

Louis watched him fumble to weave them together. He was struggling slightly, but Harry didn’t seem to mind. Louis poked his calf and he looked up. “What’cha doing?”

Harry pouted. “Making a crown. But it’s not working.”

Louis sat up and gently took the woven flowers out of Harry’s hands. He started to work and Harry beamed. “You’re so good at that!”

Louis ignored how the sweet words sent butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “Thanks, darling. Uh, Haz?”

Harry’s green eyes sparkled. “Yeah?”

Louis paused what he was doing. “Nevermind.”

The idea of saying it...it tore Louis up inside. Harry frowned, but didn’t press. Harry would never push a sensitive topic. Especially if it would make Louis, or anyone, uncomfortable. The world really didn’t deserve Harry Styles.

Louis continued to make the crown and Harry continued to watch. He finished after about ten more minutes and handed it back to the curly haired lad. 

Harry grinned, placing onto his wild chocolate coloured curls. “You’re the best, Lou.”

Louis smiled fondly. His heart was doing somersaults in his chest just from staring at his too fucking attractive best friend.

The curly haired lad laid on his back next to Louis. “So...you know that new kid, Shawn?”

Louis looked away, feeling jealously creep into every fibre of his being. Shawn Mendes had just moved to Doncaster from Toronto, Canada.

His North American accent was thick and incredibly attractive, his face was perfectly chiseled, his muscles were prominent, yet he was lean. He was hot and Louis could understand why Harry was asking about him. The blue eyed boy nodded slowly. “Yeah...”

Harry fixed his curly fringe under his flower crown. “Well...Niall said that Shawn had, uh, a crush on me and...that he was, uh, bisexual. He’s pretty fit and...I dunno, should I go out with him?”

Louis bit his lips hard enough to draw blood, before rolling onto his side and gently tugging on the green eyed lad’s stray curl. “Do whatever’s best for you, Hazza, yeah?”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his plump, pink lips. “But...do _you_ , uh, want me to date him?”

The feathery haired lad frowned. “What do you mean?”

Harry looked down and blushed. “I, um, never mind, Boo.”

Louis sat up, taking a deep breath. “I should go, Haz. See you tomorrow, Curly.”

Harry smiled sadly and nodded. “Yeah, Lou. Bye.”

~~~

Louis startled awake, hearing Dan’s booming voice and he cringed. He blindly reached for his phone and texted Zayn to pick him up. His heart was pounding so loud he could hear it’s roar in his ears. 

Louis slipped his hands to his hips and dug his blunt nails in, scratching as hard as he could. He relished in the pain, waiting for Zayn to come over.

His cracked iPhone 6 lit up and he rolled out of bed, pulling on a pair of grey sweats and an old black Adidas jumper. He quietly snuck to Daisy’s room and opened the door. 

Daisy sitting beside the bed, big doe eyes rimmed with tears as she hugged her knees to her chest. She got cold easily and was already wearing a ballerina pink jumper. “Lou? Is Zayn here?”

Louis nodded and closed the door behind him. He heard both Dan and Jay scream at each other and the child ran into her brother’s arms, quaking slightly. 

Louis gently tugged on her blonde ponytail. “Let’s go, love. I’m so sorry about this.”

Daisy looked up, her six year old face covered in tear stains. Louis lifted her up and carried her to the window. Zayn was standing there, smoking a cigarette and waiting for the two siblings. 

The blue eyed lad lowered his sister into the waiting arms af his best friend, before climbing down himself. They all walked to Zayn’s family car, Daisy holding one hand from each boy. 

Both Louis and Daisy kept a bag at the Malik house. They had started escaping in the middle of the night about three months ago, taking the bags over the sixth time they left. Nobody knew about it except for Zayn’s family. 

They set the child in the backseat and got in the front; Zayn was driving and Louis in the passenger seat. The blue eyed lad leaned against the seat and closed his eyes, as Zayn turned on the radio.

By the time they had driven across town, Daisy had fallen asleep in the car. Louis got out of his own seat and carried his little sister into the familiar house. He turned to Zayn. “Where are your parents?”

Zayn shrugged and kicked his shoes off. “Dunno. I was at Ni’s. I texted mum that you’d be coming over though.”

Louis nodded and looked down at Daisy. She didn’t deserve this kind of life. She deserved the sun, the stars and the world. He sighed and made his way into the dark house. Almost all of the lights were off, except the one in the kitchen.

The three of them followed the light to see Waliyha sitting at the table on her phone. Zayn hugged her. “Why are you still up?”

She looked up at them, before looking back down at her iPhone. “Mum and Dad are on a date or something. I’m taking advantage of the freedom it gives me.”

Louis snorted, earning him a sharp elbow in the ribcage from his best friend. “Can I put Dais in your room tonight?”

She looked up and smiled at the sleeping child. Waliyha was only twelve, but she was mature and absolutely adored Daisy. “Of course. Yeah, I’ll take her there.”

Louis handed the six year old to the dark haired girl. She carried Daisy to her room and Louis followed Zayn to his. 

There was a mattress on the floor with a pile of blankets. Zayn’s bed was beside it, pushed against the wall. It had significantly less blankets and more pillows. The entire room was a mess and Louis loved it more than he loved his own. 

He curled up on his mattress and Zayn stripped to his boxers, getting into his own bed. His heavily inked torso was incredibly attractive and if Louis wasn’t in love with Harry, and Zayn didn’t have Niall, Louis would be all over the raven haired lad.

Louis pulled on almost all of the blankets and spread out across the bed. He slowly let himself drift off, dreaming of porcelain skin, green eyes, pink lips and dark curls. 


	2. Two

Harry felt two arms wrap around his waist and he smiled. Louis always has been very touchy with his friends and never afraid to show his affection. 

Harry loved being the feathery haired boy’s friend, but it hurt that he could never have more; Louis was straight and Harry was as gay as a rainbow. 

“Hazza!” Louis loudly exclaimed in his best mate’s ear. He let go, opting to wrap a firm arm around Harry’s shoulders. “What do you want to do for lunch?”

Harry looked over at him, hoping that his heart eyes weren’t obvious. Whenever he was around Louis he felt sparks in the air and butterflies in his tummy. He knew the possibility that Louis was into guys was very low, but with the amount of times Harry had caught sea blue eyes watching him, he still had hope.

Harry frowned, realizing that Louis was wearing an outfit that Harry knew belonged to Zayn. He ignored the realization, the minute sounds started to come out of Louis’ pink lips.

“Haz?” Louis was watching him expectantly, an  amused smirk quirking up the sides of his mouth. “You okay?”

Harry nodded, blushing bright pink. “Yeah...uh, what did you say earlier?”

Louis let out a little laugh as his eyes sparkled with amusement. “Where do you want to go for lunch, love?”

Harry shrugged. “I don’t care.”

Louis smiled softly, eyes shining with indescribable emotion. “I missed you this morning.”

Harry pouted. “I’m sorry. I had to give my essay to Mr. Corden.”

Louis nodded in understanding. “Well I got my Hazza now and that’s all that matters.”

Harry smiled and wrapped an arm around his friend’s waist.

~~~

They decided to go to a little café a few blocks from school. Harry watched Louis sip his Yorkshire tea and the curly haired lad made a face. “How do you drink that without sugar?”

Louis looked up and set the hot drink on the table, sinking into the cerulean velvet fabric of the booth. It matched his eyes in a way that made Harry’s dick twitch slightly. The shorter boy raised his eyebrows. “Sugar ruins it, Hazza. Does your curly hair effect your tastebuds?”

Harry frowned. “What? That didn’t even make sense!”

Louis gave him a shit eating grin and shrugged, sipping more of his tea. He let out a moan as light brown tea dripped across his mouth. Louis’ pink tongue swiped across his bottom lip and suddenly Harry was sporting a semi. 

Harry shifted in his seat, cheeks tinting pink. Louis thankfully didn’t notice but it humiliated the green eyed boy. He picked up his iced caramel latte from the dark oak table and sucked from the straw. 

Louis started absentmindedly humming to the song playing in the café. His voice drew Harry in, but the younger lad tried not to show it on his face.

Harry ran his hand through his hair. “Where are the rest of the boys?”

Louis rolled his eyes and smirked. “Zayn and Niall are fucking like rabbits somewhere and Liam is doing extra credit work.”

Harry nodded and finished his latte. Louis stood as well and they left the building. The shorter lad pulled a package of cigarettes out of his pocket. “I need a smoke, love. Mind coming around the back with me?”

Harry nodded, willing to do absolutely anything that Louis asked. They went around to the back of the building stood with their sides pressing against each other. Louis pulled out a cigarette and Harry felt the overwhelming urge to taste the blue eyed lad’s thin lips. 

Before Louis could light his cigarette, Harry wrapped an arm around his delicate wrist. The older boy looked up in confusion and Harry grabbed the back of his neck, pressing their lips together in a firm kiss.

Louis’ lips were soft and automatically moved against Harry’s. The curly haired boy pulled his closer and opened his mouth for Louis to explore. 

After a few minutes, Louis quickly pulled away from the snog with flushed cheeks and red swollen lips. His eyes widened and his breath rapidly picked up. “Haz...Hazza we shouldn’t have done that...oh fuck! Oh my fucking god we...we just...I can’t be gay or bi or pan or...or anything else!”

Harry watched his friend freak out as his heart slowly broke inside his chest. Louis didn’t want to be into men; Louis didn’t want him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot will pick up more after this


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short...sorry

Harry felt tears stream down his face, the saltiness hitting his lips. He hadn’t slept all night, the knowledge of what he’d done too real. “Fuck...”

He kissed Louis, he fucking snogged his best friend. His most likely  _straight_ best friend who was clearly having a sexuality crisis. 

Harry was so stupid, how could he do that? He knew, that even if Louis _was_ attracted to men, he would never be attracted to the curly lad. Louis hadn’t texted him since they kissed, hadn’t called or come over.

Even with that in mind, even with how Louis must be feeling spinning around his head, Harry couldn’t stop thinking about his lips. They were thin, soft, moist, firm, and so perfect it made Harry want to kiss him again and again. All in all, Harry’s emotions towards his best friend were pretty shit.

His phone rang and his heart nearly stopped. He grabbed it and let out a little laugh when he saw Louis’ ID. He pressed the little green button and held it to his ear. “Lou. I’m so sorry...I shouldn’t’ve kissed you and I-”

“Will you shut up for two minutes and let me talk?” Louis sounded fond and it made relief flood through Harry’s entire essence. “I’m not mad...can we talk though? Later obviously, because what are you doing wide awake at four o’clock in the morning?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Harry waited for the response, practically able to _feel_ the sass radiating from the phone. 

Louis’ tone was exasperated. “Curly...”

Harry smiled to himself. “I couldn’t sleep. I felt like I fucked everything up.”

The blue eyed boy’s tone was perfectly gentle. “You could _never_ fuckanything up, Hazza.”

The curly haired boy felt his heart pound. “When can we talk?”

“Soon. I’m at Zayn’s this weekend if you want to come over.” Harry furrowed his eyebrows, but continued to listen intently to the high voice. “I’ll get Zee to drive you. Kay?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, of course...why are you at Zayn’s, though?”

There was a silence for a few minutes, before Louis finally spoke. “Um...erm, I’ll tell you when we talk...yeah?”

Harry felt his heart drop. Louis used to tell him everything without hesitation and the secrecy hurt. He wouldn’t let Louis know how he felt; he knew how guilty the blue eyed boy felt over little things. “O-Okay, Lou.”

Louis’ voice was hesitant. “Bye, love. I’m going to get some sleep.”

Harry wanted to cry. He needed Louis right now, but if the older boy didn’t want to talk,  he wouldn’t force him. “Sure. Yeah. Bye.”


	4. Four

Louis and Zayn pulled up Harry’s house, the oldest lad feeling nerves pool in the pit of his tummy. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans, taking deep collected breaths. 

Louis stepped out once the car stopped and walked to the front door. He had never been this nervous before about seeing Harry, there was a difference this time though; he was going to explain everything that had happened the past year, maybe even confess his feelings to Harry.

He looked back at Zayn, who confronted him about his feelings a week ago, and the raven haired lad gave him a thumbs up. 

Louis knocked on the door and Anne opened it. Her mouth turned up in a kindly smile. “Hey, Lou. Come in. Harry’s in the basement.”

Louis nodded and thanked her, kicking off his shoes. He walked down the hall to the second door and jogged down the basement stairs.

The television was blaring, a familiar curly haired lad staring at it. Louis felt his stupid heart flutter.

Harry was in a pair of old sweatpants and a purple hoodie. His lanky body was spread across the torn black leather couch. A pair of white socks covered Harry’s feet, his big toe sticking out of a hole. 

Louis reached the bottom of the staircase and he spoke. “Hey, Hazza.”

The boy jumped, light emerald eyes widening considerably. His pink lips forming a perfect O. Louis remember feeling that mouth on his own and he internally sighed. Harry sat up straighter. “Lou!”

Louis couldn’t hold back the soft smile that graced his lips. He sat next to Harry, butterflies delicately fluttering his his tummy. “What’cha watching?”

Harry’s gaze turned back to the TV. He blushed bright pink, mumbling quietly. “The notebook...”

Louis scoffed, shaking his head. “So overrated.”

Harry pouted, his obscenely red bottom lip jutting out. Louis tried to control his urges to kiss the pout off Harry’s face. The curly haired boy spoke in that deep voice of his. “It’s not! It’s a good movie!”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say.”

Harry beamed like Louis had just given him the best compliment ever. His face fell soon after and he bit his lip. “You want to talk...?”

“Yeah.” Louis nodded. He reached out to rest his hand on Harry’s leg. “Hazza, I’m not mad at you. I told you that already, but I’m not. That kiss was...confusing. I’ve been having a really shit time lately and if I told my parents that I’ve been having...feelings towards men, namely you, they would kill me.”

~~~

Harry covered his mouth with his hand, eyes widening. Louis had his cerulean eyes trained on his lap, cheeks the prettiest pink Harry had ever seen. “You...you have feelings towards me?”

Louis removed his hand from Harry’s knee. “Yes...”

The younger boy felt his heart beat quickly in his chest. “Lou...”

Louis looked up and leaned forward, his breath ghosting over Harry’s lips. “Haz? Are you okay with this?”

Harry swallowed thickly. “I absolutely hate that I’m going to ruin this...but why have you been having a hard time?”

Louis didn’t pull away like Harry expected him to. “Mum and her new boyfriend, Reid, have been fighting all the time...mostly about me. So...Daisy and I escape to Zayn’s house.”

Confusion spun in Harry’s head. Louis nosed along his cheekbone with his nose, making the curly haired lad forget everything else. “Lou...you know y-you can’t talk to me right?”

Louis pulled away slightly, resting his hand in Harry’s curls. “Yeah, darling, I know. I just...you're so perfect and I just didn’t want you to realize how shit my life is. But right now, I want you to kiss me.”

Harry didn’t need anymore prompting. He connected their lips, Louis mouth moving softly against his own.


	5. AUTHORS NOTE

Hii,

so I’m going up to my grandma’s house for the summer and I don’t have wifi, so it’ll be hard to update. I’ll still write and try to get the chapters out as quick as possible, but they’ll be even less frequent than usual. 

Sorry...bye

PS: If you need to contact my Instagram is @poison_ivy_larrie 

PPS: If my Insta gets deleted my back up is @poisonivylarrie


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